it's been too long, yal

can u believe it has been so long? i really cant, but at the same time i can. nearly one year has passed since my same entry, and might i say that i am astounded by the nature of this world's serendipity? Admittedly, I suck at tons of things. In fact, I think i have strange metal disorder where logic is somewhat distorted, i mean visually. It's almost like that kid in Royal Tennanbaum's 'Hinesburg' syndrome or something, like visually I cannot reproduce/ fathom an image as if in a mirror. . . . Never mind.

Today was somewhat good.... Thank u universe for bringing back to me something that i had in mind. u really r grand. i knew this was something i connected w :) oh and also, thank u for making me enroll in fashion school. what a brilliant manifestation of evolution.

Bermuda Triangle

Dear Angenlina Jolie,

Do you ever worry that someday when Brad is filming a movie he will meet a new woman to love?


PS I think you are such an asshole.

Love,

Jen

help me Jesus

Help me Jesus help me to find what im lookin for for

Help me find what im looking for
Because it’s looking kind of scarce

I want you to know
I really want you to know know


That nothing excites me
Nothing excites me sweet Jesus


anymore

this website is totlee trippin me out

haiku

stupid bottle of merlot

why did ya make me drink ya?

totally not cool

Lyon to Paris

I cam into Paris via thumb. What a day of hitchhiking!

*For the purposes of this story, let me only recount the details of my sour ride from Lyon to Paris.

I suppose it wasn’t really so bad. It is always elating to be on the open highway in some foreign country, with the wind blowing in your hair. However, your company is impertinent, and in this particular instance, my company was revolting. He was a round man, and I remember him as if in overalls. He couldn’t have been a day under 60, really.

The entire ride was a battle, but sill I maintained the persona I had created as a form of entertainment for others, for nothing is free. It was this person whom chatted with lonely truck drivers and empty transplanted citizens of foreign cities. could I help it if at times they became enamored, drunk on the joy of beholding another human's presence? I could not. I could only say no.

Hercules and Love Affair

PS

It's my birthday!!!!!!!!



I am so excited that we are sharing it together. What did you do with yourself tonight? Me? Oh, you know, I just cleaned my room. It is very clean. Also I drank a bottle of wine. And dontchaknow . . . this bottle of wine shares the name of the agent I met with from the staffing agency today. How bizarre! Tomorrow I will go to the beach and to the spa. I will reflect on these 25 sweethearts. Right now I am burning candles. You know I am a fire sign.




Thanks 4 reading <3
PS. dear beloved 'stranger' readers (pps I love strangers). Where do you find my blog? I am so delighted that you are here.

Dear Mr. Bi-polar,

You are so Bi-polar.

What is your problem anyway?

I don't like your bi-polar or your bi-polar.

Love,

Not-bi-polar

Love

DMMMVVVVVVVVVVVV

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh. are you fucking kidding me? Today was my 3rd trip to the dmv. I had an appointment. I had my passport, my birth cert., my ss card. I turned in my paperwork. I had my picture taken. I waited in line after line after line. I TOOK A WRITTEN DRIVING TEST AND I PASSED!!!! What do you want from me DMV, I can't take your mind games, can I plz just have a driver's license? What is the hold up, seriously this is torture.

Sunset Boulevard

so vague, yet so memorable

What is it about Paris? There is just something about it.

Jesus.

i just think that you are so hot. I'm dying. I hope that someday I will get to meet you.

ps

actually it was more like this

i thought i'd write a new post

. . . bc my last one was so retarded. i have to admit that I am pretty bored. I am drinking wine, and trying to get creative. Also, I'm cruising Salon Personals. Actually, I'm thinking of someone special though. If you are him, call me k? I know it didn't last long, but I miss hangin with ya.

dreamt my mouth was like this

kinda


chk back

don't try to find us

. . . and we're having a party.

I'm trippin

Sea Monkey

white coast lawyer.

The New Sins

She is on a chairlift in the Black Forest

It is a frigid, foggy day. She has never seen fog like this before. It is harsh, curt, quiet, and unwelcoming.
She can only conjure images of Hansel and Gretel, children screaming to the evil intentions of dark witches in the Black Forest.
As the gondola ascends, Gretchen leans back and glances at the world behind her through the dismal fog.

i made a sandwich for a crackhead

and she was drooling.

so what does coincidence mean?

i could tell you a couple a stories, and i have an even hotter link. but you have to email me to get this.

ps. whoever sent me the anonymous email about hepatitis C - that is such bullshit!!!!!!

update

finally becoming drunk enough to escape the painful boredom.

what does it all mean

i came to something meaningful on the bus when i thought to myself, so-and-so was a douche-and-a-half. but one good thing did come outta this folk - a small metallic ipod nano case. (and he was in fact worse than he sounds). and so . . . is it so that i went throught all his nastiness just so one fateful day years later he would find a small metallic nano carrier on the floor of a coffee shop and hand it to me? but then, begs the question, is life all about the good? and in the same way, couldn't the point of all the pain and suffering also be to make me miserable, as in this instance misery is the objective. does this make sense?

im so inlove with annie

so . . .

i cant find much within myself to share today. i had an alright morning, but the night was just . . . not memorable. i did learn one thing - cabbage is not for spaghetti sauce. that's it. i tried to listen to B. Spears' new album, but not having it. Instead listening to this older Goldfrapp one. Blackcherry. cool.

I have a new love but this love is not a person. Just a thing. buying and selling clothes. It's fully thrilling. If anyone out there who reads my blog and does not comment has any advice or suggestions in this area, I would love ittttttttttt. Please share. Peace.

i am allergic to this picture

doesn't fit

and isn't it how weird we--humans--, meaning myself, create some distorted fantasy out of something entirely unlike itself. it's like i want this thing to be something that it isn't and it will never be that. and im attached to my incorrect perception of what this thing is. it is so bizarre. but at least i realize it.



and im meaning to blog about my most meaningful shopping day ever, i actually made money and the wheels are turning in my head, believe you me - who the fuck says that?





and i met someone. he is really special. it took an awkward moment to bring us closer, but sometimes it is that. and i don't want to reveal too much in case he someday reads my blog, but let's just say there was an accident involving coffee and money. and we both walked away unscathed. except for my heart. she is scathed as hell.

this guy looks like a movie star. g o r g e o u s.

but i have to say that i would like to change his hair a bit - i can't help the phrase 'douche bag' from popping into my head every time i behold his hairstyle. but it's okay. it's what he has to work with. and im not complaining. i would like to shed his hair all over the floor.

i was walking behind him

and damn he was looking fine.

i skipped across the street, and i silently walked behind him like a predator in the dark. he was wearing a black 'jousteece jacket', denim, and the essence of [gay] man. he be lookin soooooooo good! Girl, I tell you. And his haircut. There is just something fucking about it. And the way he walked - so swiftly; he is quick on his feet. He was skinnier on way down than I had originally noticed; he is very lean. Next time, he's mine.

miss u so bad

Can't we work it out?

You were super.

fuck all u haterz

bloggy blogg blog

here's a new pic.



I've been so bored since . . . Friday, and I'm glad I have my blog to listen to my sorrow. jk it's not sorry really, just really really bored. and that is weetahdid bc there is so much to do. A wise man said, 'What is the most universal characteristic, fear or laziness?'

additional new pix

last night

I have to blog this because there is no other outlet 4 my expression. And this officially means I cannot show my blog to prospective employers, but it's okay I have to let it out, lol. Last night . . . I woke up to . . . vomit! Can you believe that? This is what went down. I was in my bed, sleepin sleepin sleepin. Woke up, I'm like what the fuck are these crumbs in my bed? And then I remembered how when we got home I made a sandwichey thing - no dins this night! And then, I find random pieces of this 'sandwich' in my room, the plate was strewn on the floor. Anyways, I peer off my bed --and vomit! Can you belive that? I just straight up puked on my floor sometime after I ate the no-chicken chicken nuggs and fell asleep. I have like never done that! Seriously, in all my years of drinking, never have I just woken up to vomit on the floor. Sandra, what is going on with you? . . . This is one theory, because I must say, I didn't drink that much. 1 1/2 cocktails. 1 1/2 glasses of champagne. 1 1/2 glasses of wine. I honestly think that it's because the first 2 drinks were so sugary -- I was volunteering last night btw. But these drinks the bartender made me, I was like iiiiiiiiiick - so sugary! I couldn't even finish the lemon drop one. So, my theory - it was the sugar that made me sick, bc at the end of the night, I did even carry a tray of wine glasses up some stairs - that is seriously not for the drunk. Thank you to -- okay don't remember your name -- but thank you for driving me home. That was super. You were right *not okay to be walking around on 8th and Folsom in my 'state'. I hope I didn't say anything stupid on the ride home.

I knew I couldn't trust you

i had this dream earlier this week

and we were trying so hard to see each other, but it never worked out. and finally, at the end of the dream, you and i both realized that we only had two days left before I was leaving. and shouldn't we just have spent it together?

open letter to asshole # 15

well, you would have been . . . if you were that LUCKY. but no, you will go on your way, through life, someday realizing what you have lost - and you have lost it. like uhm. no THIRD chances. you know that phrase - fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me? It has already been twice. so you are done. After advice I can see clearly that you are very immature, and somehow - only god knows - you've gotten some kind of hook in me, playing on an insecurity of my own, which makes me wait for your calls and your attention. But I am too grown to fall for your bullshit. And what is wrong with you anyway? Seriously wtf? How can there be such a connection. And then nothing.


It's over.

How can this make sense in your mind?

It doesn't matter now, it's not about making sense, and it's not about our connection.

What it is about is knowing that I have a certain standard, and I know the way that I deserve to be treated.

And you cannot adhere to either.
So, you are done.

bhuddy

untitled

I just met a girl named Maria

and it turns out, she's not who i thought :( but you know what? that's okay damnit. she is a fellow human being, and no one is perfect.

This is what's going on with me.

Parents just left town. Drove away in my white Camry, which is a good thing. Having this car in the city was nothing great for me, just another way to get parking tickets. I must say, I was not impressed with this restaurant we went to last night. It is too bad we didn't choose another. This was in North Beach. The first place, Calzone's Pizza Cucina, seemed aight, especially the bruschetta. And the location. Wine too.

I am getting ready for my yoga work trade and making a birthday card. Today I untangled all of my jewelery. I'm trying to improve the Feng shui of my room. I think it is improving. And this week i met some guy whom I thought was super but turns out he is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

tunez i like

worst day ever.

where can i even start. okay maybe it wasn't so bad, but I still maintain that the dmv is one of the unhappiest places I have ever been to in my entire life. And, today work was so ghetto. also, there's more.

the bus driver was kind of an ass.

Actually,

it all comes to an end eh?

I just met a girl named Maria

The most beautiful sound I ever heard
All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word - Maria
I just met a girl named Maria, and suddenly that name
Will never be the same to me.
Maria - I just kissed a girl named Maria
And suddenly I found how wonderful a sound can be
Maria - say it loud and there's music playing
Say it soft and it's almost like praying - Maria
I'll never stop saying Maria, Maria, Maria...

Why are you angry Sandy?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

because i was just like in the dmv and daaaaaaaaaaang went away empty handed. wtf? isn't it such a cruel world. first i lose my wallet with all my tips from the week, can't get no id, can't get no respect.

some new pixtures 4 yall

Crazy Random Cool

I've been having psychic dreams. No joke. Two in two weeks, and one a few months ago. WTF? What does this meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan?

Writing from Bed

Why? I've been noticing that more people are reading my blog. I think this is because I linked it to my Yelp page, and sheesh I'm all over Yelp Denver. This is because I was hired by Yelp as a marketing assistant to establish Yelp Denver in early 2007. Troof. Anyways, I can't sleep. Tonight my family held a dinner for my friends. Nice, eh? I am so glad to finally have found the perfect vegetarian BBQ item - portobello mushies. Serio, your carnvey friends will be jealous. Oh, and I'm in Colorado right now, but I'm ready to go back and try again. I'm ready to be something more than a barista in San Francisco. Not that the job market is great right now. But no one wants to see me serving coffee, including myself.

I saw Burn After Reading. Not bad, not bad. But still so Hollywood, had trouble escaping conventions. But you've never seen Brad Pitt like this before.



The film reminded me of Dr. Strangelove in a few scenes - especially the phone conversation between B. Pitt's character and John Malkovich, who was fabulous btw.



Also, I think the film is directly alluded to in the scenes where George Clooney walks out of the restroom, smacking himself on the midsection. Anyways, worth seeing, but it's no There Will Be Blood.

New Musics!

I know I haven't been writing much, but that's gonna change now that I'm back to having one job instead of two. So check back y' hear! I'm recording an album too.

im really angry right now

I am upset with my guest. Why am I upset? I suppose essentially it is over something that happened to me over two years ago, when I stayed with this guest in Berlin. He was my host then, and he was a fine host at that. But, I was taken advantage of here, and I am coming out with it for the first time. I suppose it is from the encouragement of others that I have realized what happened to me was wrong, and it is not my fault. I lost my temper last night and explosively kicked this person out of my house (after asking him to leave more than once). The best word to describe the way I felt when I came home only to find this person asleep in my bedroom is furious. I could've killed that motherfucker! DON'T MESS WITH THIS BITCH!!!!!! Especially after cocktails. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME IN BERLIN WAS WRONG. I HATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTE YOU! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IT IS OKAY? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My roommates think you smell, and they are throwing away the couch cushions that you slept on. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

WHAAAAAAAAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFCUK

I was always conscientious to keep my blog clean as they say, because I was looking for some job where I thought they might take a peek. Turns out no!!!!! And i have another job now you bitches. And yes I did make a few mistakes today. But one of them was not, not knowing Spanish, k? It's all bout the body language.

Pieces of Me

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Roots - Old photos

Be Afriad of What's Behind You

hot mess trax

yeah i own it.

What to do.

Everything is so . . . I saw a great jazz band in a coffee shop. Total hottie next to me, but undoubtedly gay. Hard being a single girl in this city! I like the barista because she is cute, and I like her taste in music. I had a job interview today. Pray for me! Lord Jesus Christ Have Mercy on Me, right? And it has come to . . . this. I've captured the essence of the ocean. What more can I do. Speaking with my gramma and my friends - that is nice. But at the moment I don't feel for the phone. I need to clean this mess, but nah. I'm done drinking wine, like, all the time. Too much sugar. I have no groceries. Last night I made saag paneer with tofu as a substitute for cheese. The sauce was delicious, but the rest - something was up with the chickpeas. There were too many of them, and they tasted rather dry.





There is a girl who lives across the street from me. I wouldn't be surprised if we became friends since we are literally across from each other on the same level. She has an iridescent yellow curtain that bellows in the wind. Mine was blue, until I became sick of it's iridescence, right?

What's it all 4?

It's Wednesday, that means tomorrow is trash day. And I have to move my car the day after that. What do i see when i look out my window? Some guy, his dog; they are collecting trash. But actually what are they even doing? I noticed his coat - an upside down smiley face, a frown. Dog seemed happy enough though. I guess it's what they do. I guess he knows that Thursday is trash day here. Actually I broke glass when i was taking out the recycling, and I even cut my palm.

living in sf

i would not say it's easy, but i have come into some good luck. actually, this happened the same week I arrived. and i am so thankful of M***** for introducing me to my new friend, J*****. but I even feel that those days have passed. i am in my second phase of moving to this city. I am kindof staying in a lot and being a bit depressed. it's mainly because I cannot find a job, but at least all my days are free. that's kindof fun.

In the thick of it

I made an awesomely huge mistake today: I sent the following email to a representative for a job that I recently applied for.

Dear **** ****,

I recently went through your application process, including the creation of a time-consuming profile and style forecast. And what do I get in return? Your company has added me to the mailing list for . . . spam! This is outrageous. I am very disappointed in the way your company has tricked me in exchange for an email address. I will be deactivating my profile immediately.

And this is the response I received.

Dear Sandra,

Actually I had emailed you last week asking you to come in for an
in-person interview and never heard back from you. My intention
was not to "trick" you into to subscribing to the newsletter (it is actually
an opt-out option when you make a style profile).

You were actually in my top ten choices to interview so I am very
disappointed by your reactionary response. Have a little faith in
your fellow web citizen. Splendora's marketing efforts do not include
posting ads for full time positions only to trick people into subscribing
into our newsletter.

I will have your profile deleted immediately.


Okay, I call bullshit. She did not email me for an interview! Why would I not receive this one email, when I have received the others (as well as the unwanted newsletters)?

But still, I don't feel very good about this. I think i fucked up.

Also, I am upset in general. It is so hard finding a job. I think I really am in a quarter life crisis.

The city is cloudy today, and I have lost another friend/lover for what it's worth.

im taking a break from you.

because you deserve it and i never see you anyway. you are so dull, too. so, don't expect to see me around. i've known you for nearly one year, and that is one year too long.

I'm Not There

Just saw that flick. It was confusing, but that's crazy with Cate Blanchett and Heath Ledger. It was a big mish mash. So, as usual, just stting here, drinking tea. Listening to Edith Piaf. Things are . . . normal and boring, but slightly interesting in a disgusting and foggy way. I mean, yesterday on the bus I saw this guy flaking his skin onto the muni, and that was sick. Then today I saw even worse, but I saw the same thing in this city lady last Sunday, Bay to Breakers. Also, last night I saw two movies, The Girl with the Pearl Earring and All About My Mother.



It's pretty foggy here in this city. But that's kewl, whatevs clev. I thought i had a crush on this guy, but turns out, he's a douche bag. Big surprise. The other one is gay. That's because this city is filled with gay men. I suppose there's no other news. I really miss my friends. I can't find a job. I love the weather here, but the bums kind of freak me out. If I had a good job, I would live in a different neighborhood. Not that The Mission isn't The Best, it is just kind of filthy.

She, the city

what's going on with me today

Well, things are . . . great, I guess. No complaints, no complaints. I've been battling this feeling of unemployment on account of my loads of free time. But, you know I think I shall embrace this instead of fighting for a second job as I have (unsuccessfully). I mean, it's great that I can stay out all night if I feel the urge. On the other hand, sleeping very late is no good. But also, it's not like I actually am unemployed. I do have a job, it's just part time and I work weird random hours sporadically throughout the day. Basically, I've decided whatevs, I'll just be broke. What else do you really need besides food and shelter. Check and check. Only other things is clothes. I'm thinking of setting up and Ebay shop or something. Selling clothes. To all my readers, check back for updates on my online boutique.

MIA is Secretive

I don't even know how I ended up here. It was with some. . . bad judgement, a mini cooper, some girl asking for a ride even though we had 5 people in the car! (she looked like a geisha). But, MIA performed here. She was wearing a white wig, and i touched her on the back and said, 'You are the best.'

the shoes

New Track

yay or nay.

Ladyhawke + Tronik Youth

this one is a total Justice knock-off.

metronomy

nice voice!

i dreamt i was in heaven. . . .

chk back 4 more!

omg

justice_stress
Uploaded by 75_prod

what's going on with me today

laying in bed still. sometimes it's great working from home. cell phone lost! daaaaaaaaaaaaang. now what do i do? it makes it very difficult to get a job ya see. ummmmmmmmmmms had a purty good intey at a kewlo company. gonna get er! right? but for now - the temping factory ;( boo, but at leasts ill have the money in em trees. i suppose i'm in a good mood. thx to all my readers. i really love you.

bonus

i'm miserable

some of you may know why. it's hard being an adult and bringing home the bread. i'm not giving up chk out this quote. "If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to." Tao Te Ching thank you. And to all you bitches and haterz - pcaaaaaaaaw.

the mistakes i made today

started out @ 9 am - not time to get up! but I did, like, a little later than that.


there was some extreme retail therapy.



and no joke, it was intense. ugly?


2 pursed 2 pairs of shoes.

1 flannel.


sangria @ 3pm

basiclally, the only good thing is the cat - Chez. b/c he's just chill and does his thing. (even though I accidentally locked him out today). he is still the chillest of the day.

The Weekend

This time it was a mix of up and downs. There were some great moments. In fact, these outnumber the others. There were some disappointments, some missed connections.

I saw a film tonight, 'Everything is Illuminated.' And I thought it was really dull. Well-filmed, though. Imagine living in a field of sunflowers.


Also, today is Sunday and luckily I did some cleaning. I was talking with my roommate about how it is good to clean on Sunday.

The best moments of the weekend. 'Gilbert & George' and Frisco Disco. But I will blog them in separate posts.

Peer Pressure Blog

You're in sf. And what do you even do? You go out, you go to shows, you make connections. But then when you're at the bus stop, i think your stamina wears out after this woman is like begging for liquor even though it's too late. And this Irish man is telling you jokes. And then this cab driver is telling you she is having trouble finding a man. They are all valid, but it's not my problem. What does this even mean? And who are these people even?

KELLEY POLAR

Check back for my review. But here is something of this album. Above, two standouts in my opinion. Below, not my fvrt trk, but interesting video, don'tcha think?

A DAY AT THE PARK/ Homeless People: Recycling 3.0

It was a Saturday, and the grass was green; the people were hungover. Everyone shouldcontribute something to a day at the park. Mine - a beautiful Indian tapestry, delicately beaded with mirrors and embroidered with renderings of the majestic peacock; purple in color. This thing is rather large, too - three full size, full-length adults or more. Tapestry done brought good karmas to our spot yo.

There were a few things that happened, extraordinary and ordinary at the same time. In order of importance.

- Bubbles. Someone was thinking outside of the box.

- Silent dance party. Fun to watch, thanks kids for reminding me that I am in the Mission. Also, your fashion is faaaaaaaaassssssssssh. The red vest does me in every time.

- Renovated vintage suitcase, recycled into a boom box. No joke! Check back for the name of the artist.

- Recycling. If life were a park, there would be no waste. . . . B4 consumers have a chance to toss the kombucha bottle towards the bin, someone is ready to usher that thing into recycling heaven. Call me condescending, or even pointing out the obvious. But this developed system of need fares quite well for the environment. Thank so much!

- PERFORMANCE ART. I heard them coming . . . as if they were fleeing from stampeding cattle. Maybe a hundred foolz, screaming bloody and hell and running down the hill, through the park. Mass pandemonium. I'm like WTF. Should I run? What are they running from? Hundreds. WTF. . . . And then applause. Oic. I am in San Francisco.

BOYS NOIZE

We arrived. I had to pay to get in. Things were aight. Made my ways up front. Havin a good time. In awe when the man came out. I immediately noticed his clean appearance (is he gay?) I was "having a good time." Dancing. In Awe. Then. . . .

SOME GUY - what is his problem even? Will not leave me alone. He's on my back. Did I even initiate convo? - no. Did I even make I contact - can't remember. Why won't this guy leave me alone? What did I do to deserve this? What makes him think he can overtake another person? So, these other two guys - made him leave! XOXOXOXOXOXO
Dancing. Dancing.


Part II

Who are these meatheads?

cause all I can see is muscles.

They are chanting 'every day i love you less and less' - a BN computer-generated "lyric."

I'm like - WTF. And it goes on and on.

I can't take it.

I condone the entire show.

And now I don't like BN as much as I used to (#2 mst plyd on LstFm).

Renegade DJ

He was there. In the park. On Sunday.

Today I saw a Free Tibet protest.

A homeless man just found a pair of women's flats in the trash - put them back! Hair is matted, but not quite dreadlocked.

I've met the bartender before. French girl. Daaaaang can't remember her name, and I don't want to ask.

When I work too much, my mind becomes restless - I needs a break.

Glass of wine.

Last night we got down.

As usual. Not too impressed. Not too impressed. But I'm no hater. Must have something to do with the shoes. First, during the day, the one-size-too-small fetish safari print along upper Haight to Golden Gate Park and back to the J-train - no good son! Then the adorable-still-even-though-I-wear-them-every weekend. Shista! My feetsis hurt.

Learned my lesson about Cab drivers - the hard way. I'm not being discriminatory. But in my experience . . . personally I cannot engage in convo with the bros . . . leads me down a dark road indeed . . . especially when it's . . . late at night, foggy outside, damp and cool, but the cab is oh-so . . . HOTT.

This pic is from The Cobrasnake. Last weekend. MSTRKRFT. Now THAT was a good show! Confetti - woo. Can you spot the photoshop?