open letter to asshole # 15

well, you would have been . . . if you were that LUCKY. but no, you will go on your way, through life, someday realizing what you have lost - and you have lost it. like uhm. no THIRD chances. you know that phrase - fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me? It has already been twice. so you are done. After advice I can see clearly that you are very immature, and somehow - only god knows - you've gotten some kind of hook in me, playing on an insecurity of my own, which makes me wait for your calls and your attention. But I am too grown to fall for your bullshit. And what is wrong with you anyway? Seriously wtf? How can there be such a connection. And then nothing.


It's over.

How can this make sense in your mind?

It doesn't matter now, it's not about making sense, and it's not about our connection.

What it is about is knowing that I have a certain standard, and I know the way that I deserve to be treated.

And you cannot adhere to either.
So, you are done.

bhuddy

untitled

I just met a girl named Maria

and it turns out, she's not who i thought :( but you know what? that's okay damnit. she is a fellow human being, and no one is perfect.

This is what's going on with me.

Parents just left town. Drove away in my white Camry, which is a good thing. Having this car in the city was nothing great for me, just another way to get parking tickets. I must say, I was not impressed with this restaurant we went to last night. It is too bad we didn't choose another. This was in North Beach. The first place, Calzone's Pizza Cucina, seemed aight, especially the bruschetta. And the location. Wine too.

I am getting ready for my yoga work trade and making a birthday card. Today I untangled all of my jewelery. I'm trying to improve the Feng shui of my room. I think it is improving. And this week i met some guy whom I thought was super but turns out he is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

tunez i like

worst day ever.

where can i even start. okay maybe it wasn't so bad, but I still maintain that the dmv is one of the unhappiest places I have ever been to in my entire life. And, today work was so ghetto. also, there's more.

the bus driver was kind of an ass.

Actually,

it all comes to an end eh?

I just met a girl named Maria

The most beautiful sound I ever heard
All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word - Maria
I just met a girl named Maria, and suddenly that name
Will never be the same to me.
Maria - I just kissed a girl named Maria
And suddenly I found how wonderful a sound can be
Maria - say it loud and there's music playing
Say it soft and it's almost like praying - Maria
I'll never stop saying Maria, Maria, Maria...

Why are you angry Sandy?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

because i was just like in the dmv and daaaaaaaaaaang went away empty handed. wtf? isn't it such a cruel world. first i lose my wallet with all my tips from the week, can't get no id, can't get no respect.

some new pixtures 4 yall

Crazy Random Cool

I've been having psychic dreams. No joke. Two in two weeks, and one a few months ago. WTF? What does this meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan?

Writing from Bed

Why? I've been noticing that more people are reading my blog. I think this is because I linked it to my Yelp page, and sheesh I'm all over Yelp Denver. This is because I was hired by Yelp as a marketing assistant to establish Yelp Denver in early 2007. Troof. Anyways, I can't sleep. Tonight my family held a dinner for my friends. Nice, eh? I am so glad to finally have found the perfect vegetarian BBQ item - portobello mushies. Serio, your carnvey friends will be jealous. Oh, and I'm in Colorado right now, but I'm ready to go back and try again. I'm ready to be something more than a barista in San Francisco. Not that the job market is great right now. But no one wants to see me serving coffee, including myself.

I saw Burn After Reading. Not bad, not bad. But still so Hollywood, had trouble escaping conventions. But you've never seen Brad Pitt like this before.



The film reminded me of Dr. Strangelove in a few scenes - especially the phone conversation between B. Pitt's character and John Malkovich, who was fabulous btw.



Also, I think the film is directly alluded to in the scenes where George Clooney walks out of the restroom, smacking himself on the midsection. Anyways, worth seeing, but it's no There Will Be Blood.

New Musics!

I know I haven't been writing much, but that's gonna change now that I'm back to having one job instead of two. So check back y' hear! I'm recording an album too.

im really angry right now

I am upset with my guest. Why am I upset? I suppose essentially it is over something that happened to me over two years ago, when I stayed with this guest in Berlin. He was my host then, and he was a fine host at that. But, I was taken advantage of here, and I am coming out with it for the first time. I suppose it is from the encouragement of others that I have realized what happened to me was wrong, and it is not my fault. I lost my temper last night and explosively kicked this person out of my house (after asking him to leave more than once). The best word to describe the way I felt when I came home only to find this person asleep in my bedroom is furious. I could've killed that motherfucker! DON'T MESS WITH THIS BITCH!!!!!! Especially after cocktails. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME IN BERLIN WAS WRONG. I HATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTE YOU! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IT IS OKAY? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My roommates think you smell, and they are throwing away the couch cushions that you slept on. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

WHAAAAAAAAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFCUK

I was always conscientious to keep my blog clean as they say, because I was looking for some job where I thought they might take a peek. Turns out no!!!!! And i have another job now you bitches. And yes I did make a few mistakes today. But one of them was not, not knowing Spanish, k? It's all bout the body language.

Pieces of Me

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Roots - Old photos

Be Afriad of What's Behind You

hot mess trax

yeah i own it.

What to do.

Everything is so . . . I saw a great jazz band in a coffee shop. Total hottie next to me, but undoubtedly gay. Hard being a single girl in this city! I like the barista because she is cute, and I like her taste in music. I had a job interview today. Pray for me! Lord Jesus Christ Have Mercy on Me, right? And it has come to . . . this. I've captured the essence of the ocean. What more can I do. Speaking with my gramma and my friends - that is nice. But at the moment I don't feel for the phone. I need to clean this mess, but nah. I'm done drinking wine, like, all the time. Too much sugar. I have no groceries. Last night I made saag paneer with tofu as a substitute for cheese. The sauce was delicious, but the rest - something was up with the chickpeas. There were too many of them, and they tasted rather dry.





There is a girl who lives across the street from me. I wouldn't be surprised if we became friends since we are literally across from each other on the same level. She has an iridescent yellow curtain that bellows in the wind. Mine was blue, until I became sick of it's iridescence, right?

What's it all 4?

It's Wednesday, that means tomorrow is trash day. And I have to move my car the day after that. What do i see when i look out my window? Some guy, his dog; they are collecting trash. But actually what are they even doing? I noticed his coat - an upside down smiley face, a frown. Dog seemed happy enough though. I guess it's what they do. I guess he knows that Thursday is trash day here. Actually I broke glass when i was taking out the recycling, and I even cut my palm.

living in sf

i would not say it's easy, but i have come into some good luck. actually, this happened the same week I arrived. and i am so thankful of M***** for introducing me to my new friend, J*****. but I even feel that those days have passed. i am in my second phase of moving to this city. I am kindof staying in a lot and being a bit depressed. it's mainly because I cannot find a job, but at least all my days are free. that's kindof fun.

In the thick of it

I made an awesomely huge mistake today: I sent the following email to a representative for a job that I recently applied for.

Dear **** ****,

I recently went through your application process, including the creation of a time-consuming profile and style forecast. And what do I get in return? Your company has added me to the mailing list for . . . spam! This is outrageous. I am very disappointed in the way your company has tricked me in exchange for an email address. I will be deactivating my profile immediately.

And this is the response I received.

Dear Sandra,

Actually I had emailed you last week asking you to come in for an
in-person interview and never heard back from you. My intention
was not to "trick" you into to subscribing to the newsletter (it is actually
an opt-out option when you make a style profile).

You were actually in my top ten choices to interview so I am very
disappointed by your reactionary response. Have a little faith in
your fellow web citizen. Splendora's marketing efforts do not include
posting ads for full time positions only to trick people into subscribing
into our newsletter.

I will have your profile deleted immediately.


Okay, I call bullshit. She did not email me for an interview! Why would I not receive this one email, when I have received the others (as well as the unwanted newsletters)?

But still, I don't feel very good about this. I think i fucked up.

Also, I am upset in general. It is so hard finding a job. I think I really am in a quarter life crisis.

The city is cloudy today, and I have lost another friend/lover for what it's worth.

im taking a break from you.

because you deserve it and i never see you anyway. you are so dull, too. so, don't expect to see me around. i've known you for nearly one year, and that is one year too long.

I'm Not There

Just saw that flick. It was confusing, but that's crazy with Cate Blanchett and Heath Ledger. It was a big mish mash. So, as usual, just stting here, drinking tea. Listening to Edith Piaf. Things are . . . normal and boring, but slightly interesting in a disgusting and foggy way. I mean, yesterday on the bus I saw this guy flaking his skin onto the muni, and that was sick. Then today I saw even worse, but I saw the same thing in this city lady last Sunday, Bay to Breakers. Also, last night I saw two movies, The Girl with the Pearl Earring and All About My Mother.



It's pretty foggy here in this city. But that's kewl, whatevs clev. I thought i had a crush on this guy, but turns out, he's a douche bag. Big surprise. The other one is gay. That's because this city is filled with gay men. I suppose there's no other news. I really miss my friends. I can't find a job. I love the weather here, but the bums kind of freak me out. If I had a good job, I would live in a different neighborhood. Not that The Mission isn't The Best, it is just kind of filthy.

She, the city

what's going on with me today

Well, things are . . . great, I guess. No complaints, no complaints. I've been battling this feeling of unemployment on account of my loads of free time. But, you know I think I shall embrace this instead of fighting for a second job as I have (unsuccessfully). I mean, it's great that I can stay out all night if I feel the urge. On the other hand, sleeping very late is no good. But also, it's not like I actually am unemployed. I do have a job, it's just part time and I work weird random hours sporadically throughout the day. Basically, I've decided whatevs, I'll just be broke. What else do you really need besides food and shelter. Check and check. Only other things is clothes. I'm thinking of setting up and Ebay shop or something. Selling clothes. To all my readers, check back for updates on my online boutique.

MIA is Secretive

I don't even know how I ended up here. It was with some. . . bad judgement, a mini cooper, some girl asking for a ride even though we had 5 people in the car! (she looked like a geisha). But, MIA performed here. She was wearing a white wig, and i touched her on the back and said, 'You are the best.'

the shoes

New Track

yay or nay.

Ladyhawke + Tronik Youth

this one is a total Justice knock-off.